“Baby number two” is such a hot button topic. I almost feel like I am beating a dead horse by writing this, because I’ve talked about this topic SO MANY TIMES, including in a video explaining why we didn’t rush into having a second baby, this post and this one, but I’ve had a lot of moms lately asking how we knew we were ready, how I am feeling about our decision now (now that there’s no turning back lol) and just general curiosity about it. I understand though, because I think hearing other people’s reasoning can help us work through our own shit, and make our own really tough decisions. Which for me, if you’ve followed for a long time, you know baby #2 was a really tough decision.
Now that I am a mere 3 weeks out from meeting the little man in my belly (so insane) I still feel basically how I felt the day I found out I was pregnant. Scared, unprepared, like he is going to rock our world, etc. I’m not sure if you wanted the dishonest response that pregnancy solved all of those emotions, but I can tell you, even though I already love this baby and am attached to him, and I constantly wonder who he will be, or how he and Hudson will get along, I am STILL absolutely terrified of throwing a wrench in our lives. I will say, our life feels very settled now, compared to say a year or two years ago. In that respect, I feel a lot more ready. To list a few reasons why we feel more settled, a big one is that the renovation of our home is behind us and we’re debt free. We also feel like Hudson is a lot more manageable now, and all of the big transitions like potty training and moving him to a big kid bed are behind us as well. But the idea of losing sleep, having to constantly wrangle two kids and working from home with a newborn all terrify me.
That being said, there’s some solid reasons we ultimately decided to have a second baby, and I do think that if we didn’t ever decide to have another, we could have regretted it. Matt grew up with a sister, and I grew up with two brothers, so we both had siblings around. Some of my favorite memories are of doing weird kid things with my brothers, like playing hide and seek or Mario Party on the weekends. I love having that support there whenever I need it, and having them be involved in Hudsons life. It’s so nice knowing that there’s other people in the world who shared my parents, and had a very similar upbringing to myself. I also do think that siblings teach you some vital life-lessons. It teaches kids that they need to share, that they’re not the center of the universe at all times, and also how to have compassion and empathy for someone else. I love the blossoming relationships I see between my friends siblings as they grow together, and Matt and I felt like that was something we really wanted for Hudson. One of Hudson’s biggest hurdles is sharing, and we think that while it will be really hard at first, we’ll all grow from adding another member of the family. We also see how nice it is when Hudson has friends come over, and they go and play together. As baby #2 gets older, it will be so nice for them to have each other to play with, and to entertain each other.
So, if you’re on the fence about whether to have another one or not, I think my best advice is to take a true and honest look at your life, and think about whether you can mentally and physically handle it all. This pregnancy has been much harder than my first, mostly just because life with Hudson has continued on! Some days, the idea of jumping up out of bed and taking care of him makes me exhausted by 8AM, and there’s been MANY times that I’ve driven him to preschool in my onesie pajamas looking like an absolute wreck, because I could not pull it together. As I grow bigger, it’s harder to lift him or to keep up with him, and on days I am alone with him I find myself leaving the house less and less, just out of fear of whether he runs from me or misbehaves and I can’t physically handle the situation. It’s a true fear. There was one time where I was out in a parking lot and he was having a tantrum, and I had to just pick him up and get him into the car, and it was painful with my belly, but in those situations you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. But, ultimately I’ve set up our world so that two kids will not completely shut it down – I have Sea helping me out every week, we have a great sitter who is dependable in situations where we may need a break, we have our parents coming up to help us out the first few months, and we have been thinking ahead on how to make our lives easier, knowing that things could be complicated for a while.
Definitely do not rush into a second baby, in my opinion. I’ve heard people say “if your family feels incomplete, and you KNOW you want another, just go for it. You’re never truly ready!” I think this is a horrible idea, lol! MAYBE with baby number one I could see that logic working out, but with baby 2 this sounds like a terrible idea. It’s so much better to set yourself up for success as a family, prep baby #1, discuss the logistics with your partner and just feel like you’re in a place where adding another life and responsibility makes sense. I know that everyone isn’t as type-A as we are, but planning it all out made it so much more justifiable to us.
Anyway, thanks for reading until the end if you made it here, and good luck in your journey!!