HOW OH HOW is Charlie 3 months old. I am not sure what it is about baby #2, but everything feels so much more bittersweet, and I am finding it harder to let go of certain phases and be okay with moving on to the next. Charlie has been so chill, I wish I could create 50 of him. After 1 kid, I was pretty sure I was done, and after 2 I somehow have baby fever even though he is only 3 months old. I think it’s because I look at him, and realize how quickly he’ll be walking and talking and no longer a teeny tine baby. I love having a baby around, even with all of the sleep deprivation and unknowns involved, it brings me so much pure, unfiltered joy to wake up every morning to a smiling face cooing at me, so innocently. I think the biggest differences between baby 1 and baby 2 is that I didn’t think I could like anyone as much as I like Hudson, and to be honest it did take me a little bit to feel bonded and connected with Charlie in the way I instantly bonded with Hudson. I felt like he was foreign, and I didn’t know him at all. But now as time slips away, I feel equally as obsessed with him and watching his every little move and milestone. He is so calm and his spirit is so easy to be around all day. He is persistent like Hudson, but doesn’t get easily flustered by things. He is also so social, and smiles at every new face he sees! He’s such a happy little guy, and I love getting to spend every second with him.
Baby Update: This month, Charlie has gotten HUGE. He just feels so solid to me now! Physically, he is definitely ahead of where Hudson was at the same age. He’s been pushing off with his feet, and showing interest in bearing weight, so we just ordered a jolly jumper for him. Hudson was never that interested in standing. He also decided he is obsessed with trying to roll over from back to belly, right after he started sleeping through the night, which completely threw a wrench in those plans! With him attempting to roll now, we have had to wean him from his swaddle, and we tried out the Love To Dream which holds his arms tightly up by his face, but he is unable to rub his hands in his eyes which he constantly does throughout the night if he is not swaddled at all. So far it has been great for us, and even though he is still adjusting, he’s been sleeping decent for not being swaddled. He wakes up 1 time per night around 3/4AM, but I think as he gets more used to being unswaddled and finally officially rolls over (he practices all night, it’s so wild) he will get back to sleeping decent again. I keep reminding myself that everything is just a phase.
Charlie has also started to coo sooo much this month. He is so chatty! He giggles and smiles, and is just such a social little guy! He likes mostly everything, and the only thing he really doesn’t love is the sun in his eyes and the sound of honking cars (who likes those things though lol). Other than that he loves bath time, he loves laying on his back and kicking and laying on his belly for tummy time, he loves being in the carrier for walks and hes fine on car rides. He is honestly the dream baby.
Mama Update: The biggest struggle for me this past month was coming to terms with the current state of my breastfeeding relationship with Charlie. As my last baby, I had these high hopes of what our journey would look like, and I had a goal to breastfeed him until 6 months old. As time passed, and he nursed at my breast less and less, it became more of a relationship between me and my pump and it was draining and time consuming. I clung on to it, holding hope that maybe he would start to accept nursing with time, but he never did and it actually got worse, with him screaming at my boob and me crying and tensions were just all around high. It wasn’t good for anyone involved, and finally at almost 3 months old I began to supplement. I keep reminding myself that fed is best, and Hudson was switched to formula at 4 months old, and turned out fine. I think the hardest thing for me is feeling like I missed that bonding piece with Charlie, and also knowing this was my last opportunity to have that. I also feel this weird shame when I pull out formula, I don’t know why, but I have to say formula really is a saving grace for us moms who have issues with latching or production or any other issues in between. I know there’s so much judgement around moms, and I can’t tell if it’s just my perception of shame or it actually exists. I am planning on weaning him soon completely, since my supply has dropped.
