Happy April! March flew by for me, because of being in that newborn haze during month 1, but I know it was extremely slow and difficult for a lot of people because of quarantining, and the pandemic. It’s definitely a weird time right now, and I’ll write a blog post more in-detail about how it has effected us while having a new baby soon. For now I wanted to jump on here to talk about transitioning from one baby to two. It was something I had a lot of anxiety about beforehand, and so I figured I would share my own experience, and also ways that we prepared Hudson for this big life change.
Transitioning from no kids to having Hudson, for me was a huge adjustment. I talked a little bit about it in this post, and also just the shame in feeling like I missed my life before Hudson. I think a lot of new moms feel completely overwhelmed after having their first, and also very guilty for feeling like they wish they could just get away and go back to their old life (obviously not a constant thought, but one that pops up in rough moments.) The two hardest parts for me to accept in having Hudson were 1. The loss of time to myself and 2. Accepting that life will never “go back” to what it was, it will only go forward, in a new normal. That’s the biggest lesson having children has taught me – we can only look FORWARD. I also had a lot of anxiety after having Hudson. My recovery postpartum was brutal after some bad tearing, and then Hudson also had some gross motor delays and INTENSE separation anxiety, and after a lot of therapy I was really nervous to go back to that dark place I was once in. It’s hard to know how I’ll mentally feel as Charlie continues to grow, but I make sure to keep myself in check more these days.
In mentally prepping for baby number two, there were a few things I did differently. The very first thing is that I had A LOT of discussions with Matt about how our time would be split in caring for Charlie. Before Hudson, we didn’t even think to discuss who would handle what, and what caring for him would entail. I also did not realize before having Hudson that babies “need” their moms more than their dads at first, but that there’s still a lot of ways the dad can be involved. After having one baby, we knew what to prepare for, and we set a lot of ground rules on who would do what, just to make sure that in tense moments, or during difficult days, we would clearly know what each others expectations would be. That’s how we prepared for the piece that involves our marriage, because having a baby can be tough on a marriage!
As for preparing Hudson, around halfway through my pregnancy I picked up a few books that we read all of the time (this one, this one, and this one) – of course I would always cry reading them because hormones. But they DEFINITELY helped him wrap his head around what was going to happen. I also involved him a lot in preparing for Charlie. I had him help me decorate the nursery, and when I set up parts of the house, like the bassinet or the changing table, I would explain to him what it was for. He helped me unwrap my breast pump, and I let him press the buttons. I also talked to him often about what the few days would look like when I went to deliver the baby- that grandma and grandpa would watch him while I went to the hospital. When the night came (it was such a sad night for me, I basically sobbed saying goodnight to him) he knew exactly what to expect. And he also knew that when we came back from the hospital, Charlie would be out of my belly. He was really excited, because toward the end of my pregnancy I kept telling him that Charlie was coming out soon. He told his entire class when I gave birth!
Because I “prepped” Hudson so so much, and also because he is a little older at 3.5, I think his reaction to becoming a big brother and sharing his time was amazing. I feel so grateful and absolutely blown away by how well he has handled the transition. He’s constantly telling me what Charlie needs (HE NEEDS HIS BINKIE MOMMY!!!) and he has gotten infinitely better at independent play since we brought Charlie home. There’s some moments where he gets a little jealous, like if Charlie smiles and we ooh and aww, he’ll smile and ask us to look. He also gets upset when Charlie cries and we have to stop reading a book or working on a project to calm him down. But, he understands, and is patient with us.
As for me, I think it is hard to judge YET how I feel, because Matt is home full time with me due to the coronavirus. Work has also been much slower – as you can see I have been behind on updating this blog, and a lot of projects have been put on pause for us bloggers. I also don’t have Sea working with me, she is working from home, so my life really doesn’t look like what it will truly look like once Matt is back to working long days, and Hudson is back in school. In some ways it’s easier having Matt and Hudson home all the time, but in other ways it is much harder having the pressure of teaching and entertaining an energetic toddler all day. Because Hudson has adapted so well, it has made my transition a lot easier. There’s a few challenges that I’ve faced with baby 2 that I didn’t have with baby 1. 1. The lack of sleep: I’m not sure why, but with the second, since you know it’s coming, it’s tough. I feel very tired most mornings, and lay in bed for a while before I feel ready to get up. I am sure it’s because taking care of two kids is double as tiring! 2. Breastfeeding: I forgot how around the clock it is! It’s also been a bit more rough this time around. Charlie doesn’t latch as well as Hudson did, and he pulls of the boob and cries a lot more. I think my let down is stronger, or his belly gets gassy, but either way he isn’t as smooth at eating as Hudson was. It stresses me out a little. 3. My postpartum body: After Hudson, I found the weight to just fall off. It felt like my body was different, but I went back to my pre-pregnancy size fairly quickly. This time around it’s just different. There’s more loose skin, and the weight has stuck a bit more. I know I have tons of time, and I am not in a rush, but it’s always hard to accept that your body has changed. As I final thought, I’d say that for me personally, so far the transition from 1-2 has been a lot easier than 0-1. My lifestyle was already set up to add a kid into it. I don’t go out at night, my social life includes mostly mom friends, and I am up to speed on what a newborn needs, how to care for a newborn and how to care for myself postpartum. There’s definitely moments where both kids are crying and I’m just like FML!!!! HOW DO I GET PAST THIS FIVE MINUTE SPAN!! But overall I’d say my ability to tune out whining, and my patience level in stressful moments is much higher after the experience of caring for one. I guess only time will tell if I feel differently once Charlie is on the move! What was your experience like after having multiple kids?