If you follow along on instagram, you already know that we’ve been keeping a big secret over here since June! It really actually flew by, and I am now 17 weeks pregnant – almost halfway! Honestly my plan was always to keep it a secret for as long as possible (I was hoping to make it to 20 weeks!) but with the bump starting to pop I felt like it was finally time to spill the beans before things got awkward! The truth is, I kept it a secret for so long because I didn’t quite know how to feel about it yet. I have SO many more emotions about it all the second time around than I did the first time. I felt like my first pregnancy was for ME, I reallllly wanted to be pregnant, have a baby, be a mom, and I was so so excited. I ONLY felt excitement.
With this pregnancy, I look at it more as being for the good of our family. I never saw Hudson as an only child, because I grew up with two brothers who are such a huge part of who I am now. BUT, I always felt extremely content with just Hudson, and I feel like he is truly everything I had wanted, and the center of my universe. But as I see him grow up, I see how it could be so lonely for him to not have a little buddy by his side to grow up next to him. So I feel like this baby will be all of ours, one we’ll all love, that will complete our family unit. In a lot of ways it makes me very sad to think of being able to devote less attention to Hudson. I always used to tell Matt that I didn’t want another baby, I wanted a time machine so I could relive all of my favorite moments in raising Hudson. There’s such a beauty and a loss that comes with being a parent – it’s incredible seeing your child grow, and watching them embody everything you’ve instilled in them, but you also are so aware of their loss of babyhood and youth. Because time seemed to fly by so quickly, I found myself yearning for more of it, which I guess is why people decide to go for two, or three… or four! I’ve loved these few years with just the three of us, and I am mourning the loss of it in some ways, as I know once I meet baby #2 I will fall just as in love, and my time will be split. I also know everything newborns involve. SO, I am excited, but also scared! I just wanted to be honest about it all. This pregnancy has been a lot harder than my first (I’ll talk more about my first trimester soon) but I also feel like I’m somehow enjoying it more than my first time around (maybe because it’s flying by haha!) I think most pregnancy announcements come with so much JOY and EXCITEMENT – and don’t get me wrong, I do feel those things and I feel forever grateful that I get the opportunity to carry another life. But this one also comes with fears, anxiety and so many other feelings that I think a lot of us are afraid to share. I’m working through them, and I know that once the baby is here I’ll still have moments where I will miss what once was, but we’ll quickly adjust and find a new normal.
If you’ve gone through multiple pregnancies, leave me any tips in the comments – I’ll take all the help I can get!
Thank you all for sharing in this journey with us! My due date is March 7th, so get ready to watch my little bump grow!