Why I Don’t Enjoy Being Pregnant, And That’s OK.

The other night I woke up in the middle of the night (for the 1093298 time), and I was sweating. I had a nightmare, something related to my pregnancy, and for a second I thought it was just a dream, but I felt my belly and it was still there. Suddenly, this full body, totally gripping fear seeped through my blood — I am going to have to push this baby out of me. He is going to have to exit, and it’s up to me to make that happen.

This is the first time since being pregnant that I really felt that kind of fear, but as my due date approaches, it seems like a natural feeling. I’ve never had stitches, never broken a bone, I am CAUTIOUS, and careful and I avoid pain at all costs. So the fear of labor just makes sense to me.

Pregnancy is so glamorized in social media nowadays, heck I do it too. The bump shots, the calm photos of mom cradling her belly, the social media people we follow who are back to their old selves in under a week. Of course I am grateful for this little guy, of course I love him and OF COURSE I realized pregnancy wouldn’t be easy (and that being a mother is going to be even harder), but I am also for some reason overcome with the feeling of guilt because society teaches us that we have to feel a certain way about certain life events, and that is just not true!

I am sure that the baby I will get to raise at the end of this will be more than worth the struggle, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a struggle, and that the feelings us preggo ladies feel don’t mean anything. The 1st trimester is rough – there’s so much anxiety, so much nausea and hunger, so much change to our bodies. The second trimester (for me) was a battle against the scale – I knew how much time I had left to be pregnant, and I didn’t want to feel immobile by the beginning of my 3rd trimester. So I pushed myself to exercise, and to eat right, and to make sure that I wasn’t giving up because of how tired and uncomfortable I was feeling. Of course this isn’t everyone’s path or choice, but it was mine.

And now – now if I put together furniture and bend too much, I need a nap. I can’t run, my clothing doesn’t fit me, I can hardly breathe, sleep doesn’t happen, indigestion and heartburn is constant, and I know I don’t have it half as bad as some other women out there! I am not trying to rant or complain, I just wanted to say that i don’t enjoy being pregnant and it’s okay, even if society says it isn’t. It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared. But I know in the end it will be worth it.

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7 comments so far.
  • Oh man, I hear you. A close friend of mine had one of the worst pregnancies imaginable; she was hospitalized for dehydration due to constant nausea. But everyone would respond to her actual medical distress by reminding her of how "great" it was to be pregnant–except, of course, it wasn't. She very much loves her daughter, but it's not appropriate to pretend that pregnancy can't be a great trial on a human body.

    Don't feel guilty for having a rough time and for saying so. Hang in there!

  • Awe hang in there Steffy! You're so close to the finish line!

    It's great that you're being honest with yourself. I'm sure many pregnant women feel the same way you do but are just to scared to admit it! You're brave. 🙂

    I'll be praying for the rest of your pregnancy and the labour, etc.!

  • Aww Steffy <3

    I wish you all the best, you know that it will be more than worth it! 🙂

    Best
    Michaela

    Michaelablog
    Bloglovin'

  • Dear Steffy,

    I hear what you say and I understand it completely, because I've been through it. But, please, try to be proud of yourself and your body. Give yourself more credit. Looking back at my own pregnancy, I feel like I was too hard on myself and I regret that. Your body has to work so hard to make this all happen, you deserve to relax and feel tired when you feel tired! Plus, I'm sure you will bounce back in shape real quick. Just give it time, your body will do the work. I wish you all the best, you can do this! Simone

  • Thank you for writing this. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone. I'm at the tail end of my first trimester and it's been pretty terrible. I've been feeling so sick all the time that nothing seemed enjoyable. There have been times when it got really bad that I even had thoughts that I'm just not sure I can do this anymore. That made me feel so guilty. I also felt guilty that I haven't always been eating very healthy (quite the opposite in fact) but I just didn't want to eat anything unless it was something I was craving which typically was fast food or desserts. But I learned quickly that sometimes the perfect plan goes out the door and that's okay. I have started to get back to myself, eating healthier, and doing a little exercising. I've decided to let go of the guilt as best I can because let's face it; stress isn't good for mom or baby. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and I can't wait to see cute pictures of your little one. Just so you know, even though pregnancy may not be easy or make you feel great, you sure do wear it well. I love seeing how you dress your beautiful little bump. You are definitely an inspiration. <3

  • Laurie

    I just had my second child a few weeks ago and even though I am up several times a night for feedings and my other child is acting crazy with the second one around, I am so happy to NOT be pregnant anymore! I have no idea why we need to feel like we should enjoy pregnancy. It is a means to an end (a baby!) and such a small, small part of the parenthood journey. I am glad I was pregnant because I love my kids more than anything, but the pregnancy thing was more of a sacrifice for them rather than a joy I reveled in for myself. i am happy to be able to enjoy eating again (and having sushi!) and not going through a huge pack of Tums every week! All the best for the rest of your pregnancy, and enjoy meeting your new baby!

  • Thank you for writing this! I agree that pregnancy is very glamourized and while struggling to get pregnant I always felt like I wasn't good enough to be part of this pretigious mommy club. I am almost at the end of my first trimester now and there were definitely many days where I questioned why I wanted this. But of course with that I felt ashamed to admit that I didn't want to be pregnant anymore… Such a crazy journey, thank you for sharing it with us!